Cameron Doesn't Recommend: The Flu

Yeah, this will be different from the usual postings, it'll be more of an update on life and things. Let's see how it turns out.

First off, I do have the flu right now and it stinks. How bad does it stink? I ache all over, especially my neck, I have a huge headache that even after a lot of medication hasn't totally left (it did get a little better though), and I just feel ultra weak and tired. Funny thing about being tired when you are sick, you can't really sleep well, hence writing this blog post. The other sad part is that this illness comes on just two days after what I think was food poisoning. At least I think it was food poisoning, I spent a lot of time on the porcelain throne. All in all, it's been a terrible couple of days.

Which brings me to my next topic I'd like to discuss: how I generally get treated by girls. As some may know, I was recently dating a girl. Her name was Heather. We had a lot of fun together, I actually met her a couple of years ago in a country swing dance class. I really had forgotten how much I enjoy country swing dancing. It did help that Heather was a pretty good dancer. Anyways we started dating back in October. This last Saturday she texted me. It was not a good text. First let me give you the situation leading up to the text.

We had hung out on Tuseday, when she had a break from school, studying and family. I knew she'd be busy with finals for the next two days and we wouldn't be hanging out, but we planned to celebrate her finals being over by doing dinner and dancing on Thursday, I was really looking forward to it. Well Thursday rolls around and I text her good luck on the last final in the morning. No response. I asked her later in the afternoon how it went. No response. Then I texted her to see what the plan was for the evening. A little while later I get a text. "I have the flu and won't be able to hang tonight sorry." I told her it was okay, asked if she needed anything and asked if I could do anything for her. No response. Friday comes up, I ask how she is doing in the morning. After a couple hours I get, "I'm still not well, sorry to be a poor sport but you don't want what I have." I text her that I understand. Later that evening I check in again. No response. Saturday morning, I call to ask how she is. She doesn't answer so I leave a concerned voicemail. No response. Later in the afternoon I text again, 'How are you?' No response. Finally, around 4 in the afternoon I get a text (actually it was so long it was 4 texts) that explain how she has been in contact with another guy and she will now be dating him. Ugh.

I am so tired of being plan B, the substitute, the placeholder, the disposable one. I get treated like this all the time. Girls that I'm interested in and ask out tell me how great I am but that there is this other guy. Girls I manage to build a relationship with, leave me for other guys. There is always another guy. Is it any surprise that I have low self-esteem when it comes to dating? I just don't know what to do. Maybe after a few months with the $400 dollar exercise bike I bought I'll be good enough for someone.
It's times like these that I hear Torrie's voice (for those that don't know, Torrie was first girl I really saw myself marrying). When she broke up with me she told me I wasn't enough; wasn't handsome enough, wasn't empathetic enough, wasn't wasn't aware enough, wasn't passionate enough, wasn't good enough. I've had a lot of great people, true friends, tell me that what she said wasn't true. However, it's hard when all the evidence leads me to believe that it is.

I guess for now I'll just keep chugging along, trying to finish my PhD and hopefully losing some weight. Sorry that this post was probably a real downer but I figure it's how I am feeling. I created this blog to help me express my opinions and thoughts. Anyways, I'll do a real Cameron Recommends here soon, probably before Christmas.

Happy holidays everyone.